When I first started working for a company, I lacked confidence, didn't believe in myself, and felt like I had no idea why I was here. But, I knew this was an excellent opportunity to gain experience, learn new skills, and climb up the ladder. I was determined to work hard and show everyone how diligent and hard-working I was.
So, here's how it was - I'd show up for work on time, do all of the tasks, and stay overtime almost every day, hoping that's what it takes to get noticed and promoted. But I really sucked at being active during the meetings. So I'd stay quiet, keep my opinion for myself, wouldn't share my ideas and all that out of fear that I was not good enough and that whatever I wanted to say was probably stupid anyway.
"What do I know. Who am I to say this? Everyone has been working here longer than me. They are experts. They know more. Their ideas are better."
Uuuuf, these thoughts are sooo exhausting even now just talking about them. The problem was those were not just random thoughts. I believed in them with my whole body.
As you might already guess, the final product of my thoughts and action (inaction) was not what I wanted and expected. The company announced there would be a promotion and that they had already picked a person for that position. I was so excited. "It's gonna be me" I was sure it's gonna be me. And then disappointment. The utter failure. I'm a failure. And then blaming others. Being defensive. Wanting to quit cause they didn't see my value. How is it possible that they didn't see my value? I was devastated, and it took me time to get out of that state and move on.
So, why am I telling you this? Because I wish I had someone back then who'd say to me exactly what I'm telling you now.
If I could go back in time, this is what I'd tell myself, "Hard work is not enough. You need to have a vision of what you want to achieve and who you want to become as a career woman. You need to work on yourself and take action despite fear. You need to believe in yourself and work on your confidence."
I wasn't showing up as the person I wanted to be. My identity as a career woman didn't match my goal and what I wanted to accomplish.
So, being afraid and staying quiet, not taking the initiative, sharing opinions and ideas impacted how my boss and probably colleagues saw me - passive, shy, soft, and unable to deal with challenging things, situations, and people. In their eyes, I was not ready for the new role.
If you're afraid of participating in the meetings, speaking up, and sharing your opinion and proposals, I want you to know that fear is not real. It's a product of your thoughts. And you have the power to intentionally change the thoughts you have about yourself and choose the ones that will help you, not damage you.
Start by setting a career goal for yourself.
What do you want to accomplish? Who is the person that achieved that goal?
How does she feel?
I bet she feels confident and courageous. But, at the same time, she knows that all emotions are welcome and that fear is a sign our brain wants us to stay where it's safe, in our comfort zone and not an actual threat.
What does she think about herself? She thinks she's good enough just the way she is right now. She can do it!
What is she doing that you're not doing right now? Taking action despite fear. She's willing to take a risk and fail. She trusts herself and believes that she's able to do anything she sets her mind to.
How does she show up in front of other people? Confident and ready to participate?
Now ask yourself, "What's stopping me from speaking up? What's the worst that can happen if I do share my opinion?"
Accept that worst-case scenario as one possible outcome. What would your future self do if it really happens? How would she deal with it?
What are some positive things that can happen if you decide to speak up?
I want you to answer these questions for yourself and put them down on paper.
So, what's longer - the list of worst-case scenarios or the positive outcomes? I think I know which one is longer, haha. Those are your reasons why you want to face the fear and take action.
We always want to wait to be ready to take action. I will participate in the meeting once I feel more confident, more competent, have more experience, and know more...You might wait a long time to feel ready. Waiting puts your goals on hold. You don't wanna do that.
Allow yourself to take action, probably fail, then take some more actions because that's the way you grow.
Take a small step. Next time you're in a meeting, say at least something. Even if it's just one sentence, it's progress. And that will be your evidence that nothing terrible happened. It will encourage you to participate and speak even more next time.
Here, I'll be honest with you. I'm now taking a risk by being willing to feel vulnerable but sharing this with you anyway.
Don't give up on yourself and your goal ahead of time because you're afraid to fail or not willing to feel scared, embarrassed, or vulnerable. It's all part of the journey.
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